Baptism

Our fourth child was baptized this past Sunday. We were very blessed to have a truly Christ-centered couple as God-parents.
Baptism is one of those things, like so many of the sacraments, whose significance we seldom fully comprehend. A miracle is occurring. A human soul is receiving salvation, the remission of original sin. That child is receiving the promise of everlasting life. I thought of things as I looked down at my baby girl, the smell of chrism so strong that I wonder hpw long it will last. I thought how I wished I were in her place, washed clean, united with God in such a perfect way.
Is it a sin to feel envy? Not envy, actually, but a strong desire to relive my own baptism. I am one of the fortunate ones who can remember their baptism. (I was 27 at the time.) That is unfortunate as well, because now, 16 years later, I can see how unprepared and unappreciative I was. At the time, I felt spiritual and moved, and it felt like such a wonderful moment of my life. But now I know - I believe - so much more. I tell myself that if I were to undergo baptism now, I would tremble in anticipation. I would cower with a sense of unworthiness. But would I, really? If I had a true appreciation of the acraments, would I be able to step forward into the communion line? Would I have the audacity to touch His body and blood to my lips? I want to say "no", but then I realize what a sacrilege that is. I am most certainly not worthy, but Christ's mercy is infinite. I do not take communion - or take part in any sacrament - because I am worthy. I do it because He is worthy. Because He demands it. And my daughter's soul? He demands that as well. God demanded the blood of Isaac from Abraham. He wants our children too. We are fortunate that we are not asked to give in the way Abraham was. We offer our sons and daughters at the font of baptism. But it is not just a privilege or an honor. It is required of us.